Altered book spread “advice”

As promised, I’m showing more of the pages from my altered book of me, made as part of the Art, Heart and Healing class done by Willow.

This page spread is full of advice and positive comments that I think every child needs to hear repeatedly.  I didn’t grow up with a lot of confidence and felt awkward in my body so I focused on sentiments that would help ease those pains.

    I still struggle with body image on a daily basis.  I was underweight until after I was married.  So that is the norm that I associate with my body.  After settling into our married routine, I gained and was in a “normal” weight zone, but I felt fat.  Its stupid, ,I know, but that is how I felt.  A few years at this weight and I had a major stress with my dad getting very ill, very suddenly and some food allergies/intolerances that I now realize I had had all my life, kicked into overdrive and I got sick.  I couldn’t eat anything without spending hours in the bathroom.  I spent about 2 years eating very little and going to many specialists who couldn’t help me.  I was back to “underweight” but very sick most of every day.

I finally tried a natural treatment that combines energy medicine with accupressure and got my reactions to food back to a manageable level.  That meant that I could once again eat foods I loved and not get sick.  And that is just what I did.  I ate.  Everything.  And I gained lots of weight and actually tipped out at an “obese” (don’t you just love the terms for weight) level.  I have to say that I enjoyed every bite that got me there.  It was wonderful to eat and rarely get sick and I took pleasure in tasting things I hadn’t been able to have for a long time.

Of course, I did not take pleasure in my body.  It led to my depression flaring and lots of self-worth issues.  It was a very rough time where it seemed my only pleasure was in eating (kinda a double edged sword huh?).  I stayed at this extra large size for about 2-3 years.  Then I took action.

I worked hard.  I did daily workouts (many times 2 a day), and I ate very carefully.  The weight came off and I returned to the “normal” weight zone (which I still sometimes feel fat in) and have remained there for the past 5 years.  Most days my body image is ok now, but their are days I look in the mirror and see all the faults instead of the strong able body that I have.  I am still a work in progress.

I know many women struggle with body image and I wish that our society would lend itself to celebrating the diversity of our bodies instead of idealizing those few and far between perfect ones.  So, my spread focuses on the words that I wish I had heard more growing up (I did hear them, but I think every little girl should be able to hear them ALL the time).  I try to say these things to my nieces so that they hopefully they can celebrate their individuality rather than struggle with it.  And I try to be a positive, healthy role model for my students.  I celebrate their uniqueness with them and I hope they grow into strong, beautiful women.

So, dear readers if you’ve made it this far in my lengthy post I hope you’ll respond with compassion.  I’ve bared a part of me that is raw.  I’m hoping that by doing so I’ll reach a better level of acceptance of my body and be stronger overall.  Thanks.

Altered book of Me

I’ve slowly been working through the projects from Willow’s awesome Art, Heart, and Healing class from last fall.  (You can see my empathy monsters here.)  I finished my altered board book over the weekend.  This was a great project for me.  I was able to come to terms with some things from my childhood that sometimes still bothered me.  I was able to do this in a loving, constructive, and unforced manner and I feel good better about these things now.  I’m sure they’ll reappear when life gets to me, but I think I’ve found a way to deal with them in a more positive manner now.  That should allow me to get through these feelings to a more positive place when they do bother me.

The photo I scratched up and used for the cover of my book was taken by my hubby on our last trip to Key West.  He had run something back to the car while I waited at the bar and he tried to sneak taking some pictures but I turned and spotted him.  I was so relaxed and happy and just living in the moment when that was taken.  I want to live in the moment more often and I hope seeing this picture will remind me to do that.

I’ll share more of the book in the coming days.  We’re still covered in ice here with all the schools on their 3rd day of closings.  That means that I haven’t been teaching either.  A forced break.  Good for catching up on some things that needed to be done, but bad for the pocketbook.  I know what I want to work on today, just trying to find the one thing necessary to execute my plan.  I’m not sure I have it in the house.  I’m hoping I do so I can get moving on this fun project.   I hope all of you have time today to play.  Thanks for stopping by.

Good Friday and a Snow Storm

I started a new art journal today. I have always drawn my pictures in my journal and then either pulled them out and painted/colored them, or copy them and embelish the copy. This new journal is more of a true art journal. I opened it up, dumped a bunch of blue paint on the pages and began. I didn't use a pencil at all, just started painting. I have a bouquet of tulips on my table right now that I was using as inspiration, but I think my painting looks more like poppies. Either way, it was fun to just dive in first thing with paint. Sometimes a new approach works out so well. I'm going to try to do my art both ways for a bit and see if I what I produce varies depending on which way I go. The flower inspiration was from Suziblu's prompt for the week. I've never done her prompts either. I guess I'm just in a mood to try something new this week.

I sent out my first art entry of my life this week. It is for a poster contest held by the Breast Cancer 3 Day. The contest is only open to 3 day participants. Anyways, I worked on my entry for over a month, asked a few people for critiques, worked on an artist's bio, signed my rights away in a waiver and posed while my hubby took my head shot. I FedExed the package on Wednesday and was almost in tears letting it go. I'm not sure what came over me. I made the art specifically to submit, but still freaked out sending it off. I guess I've never worried about someone "judging" my art before and now I know people will be for the contest. Anyways, I was and still am perplexed to my emotional response. I guess I'm just weird.

We're getting another snow storm today. Can you believe it. They're saying 5"+ for my area! I love snow but even I am getting tired of this. I want to see the tulips out in the yard, not in a vase. I want to go dig and tend to my roses. I want to take a walk not bundled in many layers. I want to lay in the hammock with a good book. OK, enough whining. I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend.